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Recent Newsletters
Swizzle Sticks, Suspicious Knocks and More
Hey gang, You know those massage chairs at malls - the ones where you slide a credit card through and all of your neck pain and troubles are meant to fade away? A while ago I was in one of those places and was tempted to try it out and I [...]
I Did Not Use the Word Cornucopia Even Though I Could Have
Hey gang, I’ve always heard that people get their best ideas in the shower. While I enjoy showers, as far as I can remember I have never had even a small epiphany while showering which seems like a total rip off. Here I am (I mean that in the figurative [...]
This Subject Line is a Valentine’s Day Pun 2 Weeks Early
Hey gang, You are here so you may have noticed my Valentine's Day-themed subject line - Love is in the Arrow That should be Fedex's Valentine's Day promo email subject line - you know because they have that arrow in their logo? You didn't notice? Well it is there, go look. [...]
If I Capitalize Every Word, It Doesn’t Seem Like a Real Email, Right?
Hey gang, Have you ever finished reading a book or watching a movie and hated that it was over? I mean the thing was so good, you just wished there was more. In today's email, I initially tried to recreate something akin to that feeling and I can say without [...]
Coffee Makers Shouldn’t Beep
Gang, I’m getting old. Or at least my annoyance at certain things are making me feel old. Early this year I got a beautiful new stainless-steel coffee maker. My previous coffee maker, a Ferrari red one died after many years of fine service. And though my ol' elixir fixer had been [...]
Summertime and All That Jazz
Hey gang, Well it's officially summertime and I'm over here sweating the generalities. Have you noticed how many web headlines use the phrase ‘X Broke the Internet’? Where the letter X is a word or person that has nothing to do with the internet's infrastructure. Plus, if they broke it, how would I read [...]
I Wrote You a Story About 6th Grade
Hey gang, I remember writing a story for 6th grade English. It was assigned weeks in advance and in common middle school Cody form, I waited until the Sunday before the Monday it was due to write and illustrate it. I am perhaps one of the top 5 worst artists [...]
Thomas Jefferson Never Plowed a Field but He Invented a Much Improved Plow
Hey gang, Think about that subject line - Jefferson not only helped outline our democracy but he also took the time to invent a new and improved plow – plowing being a task he never actually did himself. Instead of being crestfallen that I have surprisingly neither helped found a democracy [...]
If Your Birthday Present to Us Isn’t a Mountain, We Don’t Even Want It
Good afternoon gang, With the kids back in school, it got me thinking about what they will be learning and how they will be learning it this year. In my day (how old did I become before I began saying that phrase?), we learned basic math via memorization and as [...]
This Email Includes One Lie and One Truth, Can You Tell Which is Which?
Hello readers - two random things - Recently I was at a presentation where I learned that the average cereal eater was 25-60 years old and male. The average time of the grain infusion - 10 PM! Capn' Crunch and I have so many lost years to make up for [...]
Have You Ever Wanted to Name a 250 Million Dollar Government Ship?
For most of you, the obvious answer is YES. A bucket list item like naming a quarter of a billion dollar ship doesn't come around every day. Thanks to Great Britain's Natural Environment Research Council you now have the chance. And since they asked the internet, the whole internet, we have [...]
Bowling League Involvement Has Dropped 40%
Hey gang, Long ago I read an article that argued that American’s were becoming less social, less engaged, and less aware. Specifically the prestigious author whimsically pointed to a 40% drop in bowling league involvement as a simple indicator of this loss of societal capital. That article has stuck with me [...]
